Monday, February 21, 2011

The Perfect Mum

I’d like to take a moment to stop being so hard on myself when I compare myself to the “perfect mum.” I often think that if I could only do this or only do that, I’d be a much better mum. The Perfect Mum. Except that she doesn’t exist.

Most of us knew exactly what kind of mum we wanted to be when we first got pregnant. I know i did,

Some of us wanted to be the breastfeeding, co-sleeping, organic-toys-only mum. Some of us wanted to be the super-organized, never a hair out of place on yourself or your kids kind of mum. Some of us wanted to be the cool mum who your kids and their friends would love to hang out with.

Somewhere along the way, most of us got derailed from our original plans. The housekeeping went undone. Breastfeeding didn’t work. You actually heard the words, “NO!” when you tried to give your kids some limits. 

You’re not the perfect mum. But then again, neither am I. Nor is any other woman on the planet.
All Those "perfect mums" you see at the playground who seem to have everything together? They probably don’t. For all you know, they may have a secret drinking problem, or their marriage is on the rocks because they spend too much time on Twitter or Shopping  and not enough time cuddling with their hubbies. Or maybe it’s not that extreme – maybe they argue with their kids in the Car on the way home every night. Maybe they hire a maid and pass off bakery products as homemade at their kid’s birthday parties.

And when you really think about it, there’s no one right way to be a mum. Every child is different, so every mum has to have a different approach.

Think of all the decisions you have to make from the time your children are born. While many mums agree that breastfeeding is best, there are plenty of people who seem to think it’s disgusting and immoral. Mums who breastfeed get flak from one side, mums who bottle feed get flak from the other side. And when school starts? Some mums will look down on you for not signing your child up for every piano lesson, dance class, and sports team available, while others will frown at you for over scheduling your kids and not letting them enjoy enough downtime.

You just can’t win. So why bother fighting to be the Perfect Mum? Just be the best mum you can be, and let other people take their opinions and stuff them. If your kids are fed, clothed, sheltered, feeling loved, not abused, and not neglected… you’re doing fine. Be the best mum for your kids and let other mums worry about their own kids.


  1. Well said. I think I could be the perfect mum if I had the perfect child ;)

  2. So so true. Not a day goes by where I don't feel a little guilty about something I have done... or haven't done... along this long and often thankless road as a mama. And the comparisons we make to one another... OH the comparisons! I agree wholeheartedly that we should just be who we want to be, no one can ever do/have it all, afterall!

  3. Thank you, I so needed to hear that today. Wow what a great post! I'm your newest follower...discovered you by following the comment trail on 'A life of domestic bliss & other fanciful tales...'
    Looking forward to more posts : )
    Alison xx

  4. Thanks for following me on Twitter tonight (I'm shortn_tweet). I wouldn't have found your blog otherwise :) Very nice. Going in my blog reader now, looking forward to reading your future posts.

  5. Ahh so true. This post actually reminds me of a part in the book Cocktails at Naptime by bloggers Gillian Martin and Emma Kaufmann, it's a great read :)